Saturday, July 16, 2011

Lesson Learned

This week I haven't been the best mom.  I haven't really been patient and more often than not, Ellington has been driving me up the wall.  This is not something I am proud of...but bear with me.  There's a happy ending.

We have been home all week because I took off for the rest of the summer.  I have a TON of stuff to do before school starts in August and the whole week prior to school we will be at the fair.  So, we needed a little time and a little breathing room.  That brings us to this past week.  I was short on patience and Ellington was high on fits.  It was a loooong week and instead of accomplishing stuff I fretted about how much I had to do.  As each day passed I was more and more frustrated with myself for not getting anything accomplished and not being a patient Mama.  On Thursday night Robert called me from work and said that he would have to work on Friday from 2 pm-10 pm.  I know it's hard to follow his schedule so let me help you out....that would mean that we wouldn't see him at all on Friday and that I would have Ellington ALONE  (He would have to sleep in the morning and work all afternoon and night).  Facing Friday literally about sent me over the edge.  (I know I am being very dramatic...but the week wore me down).  I woke up Friday morning and knew that if I kept this attitude we would have a LOOOOOOOONG day.  Ellington actually ended up sleeping until about 8:15 Friday morning.  When I went in her room she was obviously very sleepy still so I asked her if she wanted me to rock her.  She lifted her arms up, I lifted her out of her crib, and with that our great day began.

As I rocked I prayed that I would be a patient Mama.  I prayed that I wouldn't become frustrated at her and that I wouldn't view her as something that was keeping me from doing what I wanted to do.  Because really...this all boiled down to me being selfish.  After she woke up and had breakfast we headed to the park before it got too hot.  Unfortunately, shortly after we arrive not one, not two, but three groups of kids in summer programs showed up.  I bet there were 75 or more kids in all...with very little adult supervision.  So, we left but continued our great morning.  At some point in the morning I found this amazing article.  It is a MUST read.  Here is an exert that follows talk about how our culture views children:

Run to the Cross

But a Christian should have a different paradigm. We should run to to the cross. To death. So lay down your hopes. Lay down your future. Lay down your petty annoyances. Lay down your desire to be recognized. Lay down your fussiness at your children. Lay down your perfectly clean house. Lay down your grievances about the life you are living. Lay down the imaginary life you could have had by yourself. Let it go.
Death to yourself is not the end of the story. We, of all people, ought to know what follows death. The Christian life is resurrection life, life that cannot be contained by death, the kind of life that is only possible when you have been to the cross and back.
The Bible is clear about the value of children. Jesus loved them, and we are commanded to love them, to bring them up in the nurture of the Lord. We are to imitate God and take pleasure in our children.

HELLO LANE!  Death to yourself so that you might have LIFE.  A kick in the pants I tell you. 

Ellington woke up from her nap early and crying.  This would ordinarily frustrate me (I know terrible, but I wasn't dying to myself remember?).  I went in her room and rocked her.  She fell back asleep and I soaked in.  It was a deep soul soaking.  I felt like my heart was literally going to explode.  She started kind of opening her eyes but was still pretty asleep.  I whispered, "I love you" and she whispered "Love you" back to me.  That moment meant more to me than anything I own or any missed time to myself.  Everything was worth it.  Pregnancy, childbirth, colic, teething,'s all worth it.  It's so worth it.  I will have to daily (or sometimes even hourly or by the minute) remind myself of these things.  I pray that I don't go back to how I was, but look to Christ for what I need to become. It's a daily battle, but it's worth the fight.

Do you want to know what we did next?!  We went to the movies!!!  We went to see Winnie-the-Pooh.  I had NO idea how Ellington would do, but we made it through the whole thing!  She even sat in her own seat until the last few minutes.

These next few pictures have nothing to do with anything, but I wanted to share them anyway!  Meet "Baby" and "Baby", Ellington's twin girls! :)

Ellington has a new favorite thing to do when she wakes up.  She wants to be covered in all of her blankets and then she laughs and laughs!!!  You have to stand by though because she will just throw herself down and sometimes will land right on the crib rail!

There she is!

Thanks for listening to all of my rambling!  We hope you have a fantastic weekend!


  1. I am in tears. You are so precious and I thank my Lord for you. Ellington is so blessed to have you for her Momma. Can't wait to see you at the fair. Ellington will have a ball.

  2. I am bawling my eyes out! I had read that same article and loved it, but I REALLY needed your post tonight! It's been kind of a long weekend, and I've got some REALLY long days ahead of me getting all of this Fair cooking done. You cannot imagine how much you have encouraged me through this!!!!!

  3. LOVE this post. I can relate to everything you said. Everything. Seriously. And I can't wait to go read the article you linked to.