I know better though. God's Word tells me that being a mother is a blessing and that children are a blessing. I know it's not God's plan for me to struggle and groan and complain. I know that's not His way. I have prayed over the last 2 years that mothering this little one would become ultimate JOY. Don't get me wrong...Ellington and I have WONDERFUL times together and fantastic memories together, but I didn't have the deep down joy that I knew was possible with God. I struggled daily to find it....to get there....to be at the place I knew God had for me.
A few months ago I order the book, The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. I guess it was a slow start or my heart wasn't ready, but after about one chapter I stopped reading. I recently picked it up and it has been rocking my world. It is FANTASTIC and I have already learned so much. One quote I love is..
It's those little moments that are so hard...the repetitive tasks and the constant work. But ya'll, it's so not about us. God has entrusted souls to us and that is such a huge, mind blowing thing. I really shouldn't be getting upset when Ellington is disturbing my "me" time. I mean really. I have worked SO hard on my attitude with her today. It's been a beautiful blessing to begin this change into becoming the kind of mother I know God desires for me to be. And it isn't about me and how great I am. It's all about Him and how great He is.
One of my other favorite quotes in the book is.... "...the minority of mothers who choose to devote their lives to the nurturing of a godly heritage by focusing on their home as the center of life find themselves unsupported and unaffirmed by a culture that does not value their contribution. The hard, daily, repetitive work of making a home a haven, providing healthy meals, correcting and training little ones, and constantly cleaning up messes is perceived as menial labor instead of the stuff from which godliness is built. The result is that the mothers who do attempt to follow God's design for families may suffer from feelings of isolation, loneliness, and discouragement."
All I can say to that quote is AMEN. It's so sad to me that I know that hearts for God are cultivated in the home and there is SO little placed on this subject in churches today. (It's not the lack of support of the secular culture that is bothersome...is the lack of support WITHIN the church that is the most disturbing part). And it's not just that it isn't talked about, but motherhood isn't respected....at.all. It is something that will be crippling to today's children as well as the entire Christian culture. For real. It's that serious.
I feel like I have jumped ALL over the place and that I have left out 90% of what I wanted to say, but I strongly encourage you to read this book if you are a Mama. You really won't regret it. Being a Mama is the hardest thing ever, but I also know it's the most IMPORTANT thing ever.